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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
