i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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