you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize