I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
