im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
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Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
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Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You are a genius and a whore.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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