One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
