just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
