I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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