i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
