imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
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well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
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Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
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