Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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