so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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