New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
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Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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