Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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