I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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