Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
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I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
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I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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