Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
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Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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