Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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