so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
