WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You made out with two different species that night
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
