If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
