You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize