the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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