we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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