Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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