At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
