oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
