I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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