Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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