Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
