I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
