I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
