conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish you could order shots online.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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