He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
