I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
