So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She's the barista slut.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
