I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
