I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize