she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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