Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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