dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It was confusing and full of hummus
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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