She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
