whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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