It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
