you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
