I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Redeem this text for a blowjob
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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