Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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