should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
