The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
