She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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