Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
