I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
