i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize