What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
