You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
