i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
