when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
