Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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